My senior year of high school was the happiest time of my life since childhood, maybe even ever up to that point. Everyone at KPA was a little odd and quirky. We all embraced our weirdness. We enjoyed being together and having fun. My basketball coach was able to get our team into a private school basketball league and I convinced my 6’3 friend to play.
Our basketball team enjoyed a lot of success. My 6’3 friend Ryan and I scored around 16 points a game and we won a lot of games. It was KPA’s first year playing competitive basketball and no one had any expectations of us. In the tournament we went all the way to the final four. It was exhilarating! It was a nice redemption story after the difficulties I faced up to that point.
After my senior year I chose to go to college at Lubbock Christian University. I couldn’t imagine leaving Lubbock and everyone I know chose LCU over Texas Tech. To be honest, Tech seemed very scary to me as it was large and secular.
I eventually chose to become an English major because I loved reading and writing, but I didn’t really know what I wanted to do. I also chose not to join a social club because it seemed immature to me at the time. I wanted to choose my friends and hang out with them when I wanted to. Growing up never fitting in and never really being part of a group influenced me strongly.
I enjoyed LCU, but I also was jaded. I felt like most people hadn’t experienced much hardship in life and was shallow. I was judgmental and guarded. I also realized after my freshman year that its very hard to make friends and be social without being in social club. I was lonely once again, but at least I wasn’t getting bullied now. I had a girlfriend my sophomore year, but we both had emotional and communication issues. We had codependent relationship and it only lasted a few months.
My senior year I had a 15 page research paper to do with a 30 source annotated bibliography. I had so much anxiety and procrastination that I developed a shake in my hands. I started going to counseling at LCU. My counselor taught me meditation which did help me. I ended up being able to present my paper well, but I didn’t actually finish it until the summer after graduation.
I graduated in December 2014. I felt so anxious and traumatized that I spent the next semester at my parent’s house not really doing anything. In the summer I worked at Summit Ministries for half the summer as a staff member. I made friends with another staffer, but had trouble connecting with the staffer group at large. There was some misunderstanding my friendship with this girl and I felt misunderstood and discouraged.
I didn’t really know what to do in the next stage of my life. My Mom suggested grad school to become an English professor. I didn’t have a better idea so I applied and was accepted at Baylor. Seemed like an open door so I decided to go. Next post I will go into my experience in grad school leading up to my Awakening which will catch me up with my past writing on my blog.