In 4th grade I started attending a new private school called kingdom preparatory academy. I felt lonely at home and wanted friends. The school was unique in that it was a college prep school. Students went to school Tuesdays and Thursdays and took home work to do on the other days. This was good for me because I was severely ADHD and struggled to sit still up till now. There was only one boy in my grade and he did not want to be friends. I also did not like a boy in a higher grade. So I continued in my loneliness.
Because of the relationship I had with my parents I had a lot of self-esteem issues and social anxiety. The friendless situation at school compounded this factor. I did improve my focus in school over time. I really enjoyed subjects like English and History. I continued going to KPA.
In junior high we started a basketball team which I joined. During that time we had a few new boys join KPA and the basketball team. These were troubled boys who bullied me and I sat on the bench most of the time every game. Again, I was lonely and my self-esteem was brought lower. I was depressed. Life sucked in my eyes.
After junior high, I resolved that I would not let bullies get me so down. I decided to go to public school to be in a basketball program. Wow! Public school was a different animal. So many kids had a very screwed up home lives. I took that for granted before. Not everyone was Christian and there was a lot of bad things happening. For the first time in my life I had to choose my faith and not just follow the crowd. And I did choose it. I also got out of my depression after realizing how blessed I was.
But again basketball was tough. The one thing besides reading on my own that I really enjoyed, my sanctuary, was again my hell. Many of the basketball players had rough lives themselves and they took it out on me. I hadn’t been in competitive basketball before and my skill level was beyond most everyone else.
They told me I sucked. They said I would never be any good. That I would never be any good in life. That I was weird and a loser. I did my best to tune them out. I didn’t fight back. But its very tough when I felt like the outcast and struggled on the court as well. My past had already trained me to believe that I had very little worth and would not do well in life. Thankfully, I had two really good friends who were kind to me and we always hung out.
Eventually I got cut from the team my junior year. My parents found out that KPA had found a coach and started a real basketball program. So I returned to KPA the second half of my junior year of high school. I played a few games and had some fun.
Next post I go into my senior year and then onto college.